HOW MY WORKING MOM GUILT TURNED INTO A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT
Today’s post is going to be a little personal and quite braggjsh. Yesterday my son won 1st Place in his very 1st Film Festival for an incredible short film that he directed. He is a passionate young film maker full of creativity and talent and drive and enthusiasm and love for story telling.
It was an incredible moment for him - his first win. His first big success in his field. His first film award. So many firsts.
And I wasn’t there.
I am completely on the other side of the country for work. When I realized that I was going to miss this monumental first in my sons life all of those working Mom feelings came rushing in. All. The. Feelings. And I struggled with it for a week.
Tears. Guilt. Anger. Guilt. Sadness. Guilt. FOMO. Everything.
All day leading up to the Red Carpet event my thoughts kept circling around what I was going to miss. It was hard and brutal!
For the 2 hours during the event in Atlanta, I paced around LA with nervous excitement - wondering what was happening, would he win, was he soaking up every minute of this moment? All the while trying not to cry while trying to do my job. It was hard and brutal.
Then I got the call and everything changed.
My son called me on his way home from the Film Festival and told me everything. The joy and excitement in his voice as he replayed each and every moment of the night made my heart burst. In that moment I realized that if I had been there with him, I would have missed this amazing opportunity to truly see the night through his eyes.
It was a BEAUTIFUL thing.
Because the night wasn't "tainted" by my vision, I experienced it exactly the way he did. And, after all, it was HIS night. I relived HIS best moments from the evening and got chills in the very same moments that he did. I laughed and cheered and felt the soul beaming pride that he felt at the moments he felt them.
Another surprise that happened because I missed this moment was being able to experience it through my husband's eyes. Listening to his recount of the evening, hearing every proud moment being told by his dad was also incredible and one that I would have missed had I seen it through my own parental pride. Hearing the pure joy in my husbands voice and the slight crack in his throat as he gave me the play-by-play of all the proud moments of the night made me so very grateful that I missed it.
That's right, I am so very thankful that this working mom
missed her son's very first Film Festival debut.
And thank you to all of my friends who texted throughout the night so that I wouldn't feel left out. And thank you to a very special friend to sent me these encouraging words days before: "So of all people, Solidad O'Brien once said something that has helped me - with respect to working mom issues and having to miss some events - 'remember it's just a moment' meaning you were only missing one moment in a lifetime of being there for your kids and supporting them and helping them fulfill their dreams. It is only one moment. Alex Taylor will have MANY MANY moments like this and you will be there. This I know."